


Fight or Flight

by brokenhighways



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Police, Inspired by a Movie, Love/Hate, M/M, Minor Character Death, Relationship(s), Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>L.A.P.D. Narcotics Sergeant Jared Padalecki is volatile and suicidal following the recent death of his best friend in a traffic accident whereas L.A.P.D. Homicide Sergeant Jensen Ackles, having recently celebrated his 40th birthday, is just starting to think about next stage of his career. After a drug bust in which Padalecki nearly kills a suspect and his new partner, his superiors become worried about his behaviour and transfer him to Homicide at West Hollywood, hoping that pairing him with Ackles will help settle his erratic behaviour. Tensions rise when Jensen resents being put on babysitting duty and Jared does his best to prove that reckless is his middle name. Based on Lethal Weapon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fight or Flight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [psychmerlin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychmerlin/gifts).



> This story was originally written for spn_cinema’s 80’s movie challenge last year but I didn’t get it done in time. And I was sure that it sucked. However, now that I’ve finished it, I don’t hate it anymore! And in honour of anon_fan’s birthday I’m posting it today (there’s a specific scene in it that I wrote specifically for her!! I think she’ll know which one it is :).
> 
> I tried to keep it light hearted and stick to the theme of the movie, so while there are mentions of suicidal thoughts, it is not heavy handed (at least I don’t think so), but please be aware that it’s a topic that comes up throughout the story.
> 
> Thank you to raise_the_knife for the beta!! Any remaining mistakes are my own.

**_Fight Or Flight_ **

# Prologue

## Jensen

‘FORTY IS THE NEW THIRTY!’ is what the birthday card on Jensen's desk screams. He glares at it in the same manner he did at the scumbag drug dealer he'd put away two hours earlier, in what was supposed to be the satisfying close to a grisly double homicide. It's not that he's worried about turning forty, he just hates the way everyone's acting like it means his life has to change. He's happy where he is now, working in the LAPD's Homicide Division, removing criminals and murderers from the street. He comes from a family of police officers - it's in his blood. Despite that, there's no denying the fact that he's not as young as he used to be, but so long as he doesn't have to babysit another up and coming cop with a few 'behavioural' issues, he’s confident that he can keep going for many years to come. The department have given him so many of these guys to straighten out that they ought to have created a new role just for him. Thankfully, his boss Commissioner Kim Rhodes has promised him that there'll be no more of that. He's just praying that she sticks to her word.

Oddly enough, there haven’t been any new cases called in and Jensen’s granted a relatively quiet morning, with pink frosted donuts for company. That changes around lunchtime when he spots Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh walking through the lobby near Rhodes’ office. He looks up and catches the eye of his partner, Sergeant Christian Kane.

“Looks like you get to play babysitter again,” Kane says. “I just got reassigned to a new partner.”

Jensen groans. “Did she at least tell you who I’m going to be dealing with this time?”

“Some Narcotics Sergeant from 77th,” Kane says with an idle shrug. “Supposedly he was on his last strike before something came up and Riggs got involved.” Kane doesn’t say anymore but the implication is clear. This guy has issues and Jensen’s expected to whip him into shape, the way he whipped _himself_ into shape after a series of events that almost finished him off for good. Riggs claims that Jensen reminds him of someone and that he’s good for all the cops that have been partnered with him. Jensen wishes that he knew what the man was talking about but he doesn’t. Still, he’s committed to his job and he’ll do his best with this new guy. It can’t be any harder than the last few cops.

“Hey, Ackles?” Rhodes calls out through her open office door. “Get your ass in here.”

Jensen sighs wearily. He’s getting too old for this shit.

*

## Jared

Jared Padalecki's never been the most patient person. Hell, he's not even the most patient cop and he's been on more stakeouts than he can count. Yet the way he feels right now is a whole new level of impatience. It’s probably got something to do with the fact that he spends most of his nights either working or staring at a gun, wondering if today will be the day he gives up on his pathetic shadow of a life. Three months ago he was happy-go-lucky Jared, the guy who was perpetually smiling and goofing around but then fate twisted cruelly and suddenly his best friend was gone. Taken out by some scumbag drunk driver two days before his son was born. That angers Jared in ways that he’s never felt before, and he’s angry that he’s angry because he’s not the one without a father, and he’s not the one without a husband. He shouldn’t be feeling this way; sad, lonely and broken down. He should be looking out for Tom’s wife, Allison and his son instead of mailing a check every two weeks and depositing the cash into an account when he receives it back in the post.

It’s not that Allison doesn’t appreciate it but she wants to see him personally, wants to look him in the eye and Jared can’t give her that. He doesn’t want to take away from her pain by adding on any extra burden and as for helping out with the kid? That’s not exactly his area of expertise. Plus it’s not like he plans on sticking around for much longer. Tom was his only friend, the only cop who’s ever had his back. He saw through Jared’s cocky, cheery exterior and took the time to find out who he was and in return, Jared opened up to him. They were supposed to be partners for life, except now Jared’s stuck here on his own along with Sergeant McCoy, who’s just transferred to Jared’s precinct. Not only is she unnecessarily chirpy, she’s one of those cops who are all about abiding every single fucking law, like that’ll score her some brownie points with the bigwigs. Jared snorts; hell, it probably will.

This particular perp’s running down a residential street, stupidly stopping to pump more bullets in the way of Jared’s windscreen. McCoy is frantically radioing everything in when they hit a stumbling block. The suspect turns a corner and as Jared follows, he comes face to face with a road closure sign. A quick glance shows that there are no workers present but protocol demands that he find an alternative route. Without waiting for an instruction, McCoy radios in their predicament.

“We can’t find another way or get another car to cut him off,” Jared says. “If he has someone waiting for him at the other end we’ll be screwed.”

McCoy shrugs. “We can’t just ignore the sign. Dispatch is going to let us know if anyone’s in the area in a minute.” They don’t have a minute, is what Jared wants to scream, but he doesn’t. Instead that switch in his brain flips from RESPONSIBLE to RECKLESS and he guns the engine and presses forward, driving into the sign and ignoring McCoy’s warning cry. There’s a ramp set up in the middle of the road and Jared presses his foot down hard on the accelerator, whooping loudly as the car runs up the ramp and sails off it, gliding in the air for a few seconds before gravity brings them crashing down and then astray as they apprehend a pole. Through his mirror Jared sees the suspect still running and he waits until the guy is close to the car and he opens his door, wincing automatically when it connects with the muscle and the man lands on the floor.

Jared turns to face McCoy, who’s staring at him with wide eyes. He grins at her. “Welcome to the 77th precinct.”

# One

## Jensen

The phone rings at four in the morning, which unfortunately for Jensen is not unusual. There's been a murder over at a convenience store half an hour away and he's been called in, along with this Padalecki guy. Technically they're due to meet officially back at the station but duty calls and all that. With a pained groan, he gets up, and grabs a quick shower before downing his abandoned and cold coffee from the previous night. He winces at the acrid taste and pops two sticks of gum into his mouth as he locks up. Traffic's light because of the early hour and he reaches the crime scene in twenty minutes, arriving to the usual flare of red and blue accompanied by the yellow tape. One of the officers runs over to give him the lowdown. It looks like the victim is the store owner and there doesn't appear to be any sign that there'd been a robbery in progress.

"Looks like he got caught up in some kind of turf war." A ridiculously tall man approaches Jensen and offers his unsolicited comment. Things become clearer when he gets a close look at the guy. The hair is a little longer than it was in the picture and he's got a five o'clock shadow but this man is Jensen's new partner. As much as he wants to comment on the guy’s unsavoury appearance, Jensen is kind of a stickler for good manners.

He eyes Padalecki stiffly and says, "And you are?" Padalecki's brow goes up but he shrugs and holds out his hand.

"Jared Padalecki, just transferred in from Narcotics at 77th," he says. "And you're Jensen Ackles. My last chance at redemption!" Jensen shakes the guy’s hand, just because he can't not.

"That's me," he says. "Do we have any witnesses?" Usually when a homicide division officer appears on scene, the beat cops have rounded up any possible suspects and have gathered some basic witness statements. The officer who got him up to speed didn't mention anything, which doesn't bode well for the case.

"Uh, not to my knowledge," Jared says. "But I think the security camera may have caught something. The crime scene guys said they'd let us know." Jensen blinks at him. He has a lot of work to do.

"You _think_?"

Padalecki doesn't even bat an eyelash at Jensen's surly tone. "Yes. No one has been able to verify if it's working or not."

“So why aren’t you on the phone trying to verify it for yourself?” Jensen asks, not missing the way Padalecki rolls his eyes.

“I just drove into town four hours ago, man,” Padalecki says tiredly. “I shouldn’t even be here.” He shouldn’t, and if he’s only just arrived in town, Jensen’s surprised that they called him in at all. Either way, sleep loss is par for the course with the job and not really an excuse for slacking. When Jensen puts this to Padalecki, the other man rolls his eyes once more and storms off.

~

They solve the murder within the next few hours when the camera footage comes through. It turns out that the owner had been gunned down by some homeless thug who'd desperately wanted a bottle of vodka. Annoyingly, Padalecki is the one who first comes up with the theory.

"Well, the witness I eventually spoke too didn't realise I was a cop," Padalecki is explaining to Rhodes. "I saw him standing behind all of the cops and went over. Put a detail on him and they picked him up downtown, trying to buy a room for the day. When we mentioned that we’d seen him outside through the security cameras, he was all chatty, said he'd seen some guys run away minutes after it happened. He also smelt like he'd been swimming in a brewery but what have him away was the nick on his hand. There was a broken bottle on the shop floor, and one shard had some blood on it. I'm sure Forensics will confirm that it's our guy's blood." He smiles bashfully despite the fact that Rhodes is staring at him blankly and Jensen is obviously fuming. Up until now Padalecki hasn’t really given him any reason to actively dislike him. However, undermining him on their first case is a good reason.

“Welcome to the unit, Padalecki,” Rhodes says after a lengthy pause. “Hopefully this stint won’t end up like the last one.” The smile drops from Padalecki’s face instantly and Jensen has to stifle a laugh. Serves the asshole right. Jensen’s read through his new partner’s file; it doesn’t make pretty reading. Rhodes says a few other thing that Jensen tunes out, and soon they’re heading into the open office so Jensen can show Jared to his desk. It’s a small, wooden number due to the fact that they had to lose a floor because well, it’s California, and government officials are very well accustomed to debt at this point. It’s right next to Jensen because Rhodes and co meant it literally when they said that Jensen was to keep a close eye on Padalecki.

“Here’s your desk,” he says with a nod. He leans down to pick up a small white card from his own desk. “This is all of your login information.”

“Thanks,” Padalecki mutters. There’s silence as they take their seats. Jensen checks his emails while Padalecki just sits there, observing the office quietly. Chris gives Jensen a mock salute when he looks up and Jensen flips him the bird. He’s still not happy about this, especially given the circumstances of Padalecki’s arrival at West Hollywood. It’s not that he doesn’t want to straighten the kid out, he just doesn’t like the guy. He’s not sure what it is - well the fact that Jared just tried to show him up is a factor - but there’s something _off_ about Padalecki that unsettles Jensen. Especially because it’s his job to figure out what is and how to resolve it. Padalecki doesn’t seem all that interested in cleaning his act up if his file is anything to go by. The only person who seems to have tamed the man is one of his former partners, Tom Welling, and sadly he died in a car crash a few months ago. That’s probably amped Padalecki up to about 100 on the recklessness scale, but that isn’t really an excuse to endanger his fellow colleagues and the public that he’s employed to protect.

“So what happened at your old precinct?” Jensen asks casually. “Did you undermine your partner there too?”

“She was so incompetent that I didn’t need to,” Jared snaps and then a contrite expression flashes across his face. “I didn’t mean that. McCoy was alright. She was a little rigid but she’ll do well.”

“Better than you, you mean?” Jensen replies. “I checked your record. It’s a little patchy. Especially over the last few months. Of course, that’s understandable, given what happened to the partner you had before McCoy. What was it that killed him again? Reckless driving? Which...is what the final straw was for you at 77th, right?” Jensen feels bad about going there, but there’s something wrong when a cop drives up a ramp that’s concealing a damn hole in the ground on a _blocked off_ road, endangering his partner when his old partner was murdered by someone else doing the same thing.

“Screw you.” Padalecki’s lips are pressed into a thin line and his eyes are blazing with fury. They’re nice eyes, Jensen thinks. And then he slap himself mentally because he fucking _hates_ this guy. He’s everything in a cop that Jensen loathes - selfish, reckless and he has a stupid haircut. Okay, so that last one doesn’t really make a difference to Jensen but it’s still true.

“No, screw you, _Jared_ ,” Jensen retorts, as he stands up and looks down at Padalecki. “I’m going to make a couple of things clear to you. Over here at WH, we look out for one another. We don’t play with anyone’s lives, we don’t try to be heroes. And if you try any of that shit here, your head will spin so fast that you won’t know what’s hit you. I will make it my job to kick your ass if anyone gets hurt on your watch. If you don’t want to be a cop anymore, you’re more than welcome to quit.” Padalecki’s eyes widen in surprise for a brief second at Jensen leans back in his chair and thinks _bingo_. He’s seen this before. Cops at their lowest ebb who don’t want to do the job anymore, but have too much pride to quit. Some officers take personal offense at what they perceive to be weakness but to Jensen, there’s no point in keeping someone around if they don’t want to be around. Padalecki watches him silently for a minute before a smile spreads on his face slowly. Jensen’s ashamed to say that he kind of likes the man’s smile. There’s no denying that Padalecki is attractive, Jensen’s not dead. But still, he would like to punch the smirk right off so he doesn’t chastise himself for that thought.

“So you’re throwing your hat in the ring for Bad Cop, huh?” he says. “How long did it take you to practise that speech? Which, by the way, you set up perfectly. You mentioned my dead partner, hoping to evoke some kind of reaction. You made that jibe about me not wanting to be a cop, knowing fully well that would unsettle me and best of all, you made sure that I was seated before you started. Interrogation and intimidation 101.” Jensen’s mouth opens and closes as he falters. No one has ever called him out on his various variations of that speech before. Most of them wouldn’t _dare_ to given that they were on their last chance. But...Padalecki is obviously going to be different.

“Did any of what I said get through to you at least?” he asks with a resigned sigh.

Padalecki grins again and god, there are _dimples_. Jensen pinches himself. “I heard you L and C, Ackles. You’ll kick my ass if I screw up.”

“Good,” Jensen says. “Oh, and if you ever undermine me in front of Rhodes like that again, I’ll punch you in the face.”

Padalecki just laughs, apparently underestimating how serious Jensen is.

~

## Jared

Jared finds it surprising that it takes less than twenty-four hours for Ackles to make good on his threat to punch him. In fact, he’s almost in shock as he sits in the ME’s office, with a cotton ball pressed to his eye. Ackles’s sitting across from him with an ice pack pressed to his hand. He looks pissed off, his mouth all screwed up as he glares at Jared. Despite the fact that Ackles is very nice to look at, the guy is a Grade A asshole who really rubs Jared the wrong way. He knows that this is his _last_ chance, and really, he should have quit when Jensen gave him that speech. There was a bullet with his name on it after all, the darkness was still spreading and eating away at him but...the thought of annoying Ackles was a pleasing one. It actually made Jared want to come into work every day just so he could have the satisfaction of getting under the man’s skin.

The punch came as a result of Jared questioning a witness by himself. Not just any witness, but one that Jensen had been after for months. It was a cold case. The murder had occurred a few years ago now, but the State’s Attorney’s office apparently wanted it wrapped up quickly so they could make an example of it. Jared’s man enough to admit that he’s probably fucked that up, even if he didn’t mean to. There was just some things in the file that didn’t add up and he was well within his rights to ask some questions, right? Wrong. One minute he was asking the guy where he was on the night of the murder and the next thing Jensen was hauling him out of there.

Jared might have made a smart assed comment but he didn't think that he'd actually get punched.

"You didn't need to punch me, you know,” he huffs. His eye is throbbing like mad and he knows that it will be a whole before his headache fades. “You could have just told me what the deal with was.” That’s not strictly true, given that Jared deliberately jumped the gun, but it’s not like he’s just going to apologise.

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll come over there and punch you again,” Jensen growls and Jared holds his hands up in mock surrender.

They can continue this battle another day.

~

The next argument they get into is about lunch of all things. They're running late on account of chasing after their suspect for half an hour and Jared is hungry. He tries to explain that he'll be useless if he can't get any food in his stomach and Jensen snorts and says he doesn't need to hungry to be useless and voila - dispute in place.

"We're not stopping for Chinese," Jensen says. "What are you five? Grab something at the office."

"Oh I can't wait to snack on stale sandwiches and expired soda!" Jensen cracks a smile at that.

"That's why you make provisions for lunch, Padalecki," he says snidely.

"I'm legally entitled to an hour for lunch," Jared argues.

Jensen laughs. "Lawyer up then. Take the department to task!" Jared frowns. He doesn't enjoy being mocked. Especially by Ackles of all people. He decides to play dirty. The bruise around his eye is still a reddish-purple colour - visible enough for him to still be able to get it all in record.

"I could get a lawyer and press assault charges against you."

To his credit, Jensen doesn't even skip a beat. "Good luck finding any credible witness."

"I'll be your witness!" The suspect in the backseat pipes up. "For some concessions of course."

"And what would those be?"

"That you both shut the fuck up."

"You know, Padalecki, that sounded kind of threatening to me," Jensen says, all malice and animosity gone from his tone. "Did it sound like that to you?"

Jared smirks as he watches the suspect roll his eyes. "Oddly enough it did. Looks like we'll have to charge him." It's a clever idea from Jensen, Jared will give him that much. Given that they're still waiting for forensics to come through on the DNA left on the body, they'd probably have to let the guy go once his lawyer showed up.

"Fucking pigs," the guy mumbles under his breath and Jared shares a satisfied smile with Ackles. There's a pause as they realised what's just occurred and---

"Who eats Chinese for lunch anyway?" Jensen asks. "You're not even going to bring any of that shit anywhere near my car."

"So, what? You're going to starve me to death? Are you serious?" Jensen stops at a red light and leans across the dash, and flicks open the glove compartment. He pulls out an apple, a bottled smoothie and a yoghurt cup and tosses them into Jared's lap.

"This is your idea of provisions?" he splutters. "You're kidding, right? I won't even argue with you anymore because I can't take you seriously. Can you just pull over at the next McDonald's?"

Jensen practically chokes on his tongue. "When you hit forty and you've got a flabby stomach, do not come crying to me." _I'm not going to hit forty_. That's what Jared wants to say. But for some reason he doesn't. For some reasons arguing with Ackles makes him feel alive again.

The argument continues well into the interrogation room, long enough for the suspect, Vinny Cortez, to snap. The lawyer looks exasperated and Jared realises that he wasn't even aware was present.

"Okay, alright. Fine!" Vinny yells. "If it means that I can get away from you two, then fine. I killed her. I shot my wife." Jared snaps his mouth shut halfway through whatever the hell he was saying - he can't even remember now. The lawyer turns a very bright shade of red and asks for a few moments to confer with his client but Cortez has had enough.

Cortez shakes his head. "No. I can't take much more of Bert and Ernie over here. I did it okay. She was cheating on me with my fucking cousin, so I went over to her place and shot her. Hell, I killed them both." Jared turns to Jensen who looks just as bemused as he does.

"You, uh, you killed your cousin?" Jensen says.

"That's what he said, Ackles," Jared snaps.

"Over here at West Hollywood, we actually interrogate our suspects using the proper protocol," Jensen retorts. "You had evidence thrown out in five cases because of improper conduct during interrogations. Or is there another Jared Padalecki out there who is wholly incompetent?"

"He's at my apartment, in the basement," Cortez says before Jared can respond. "Please get me out of here."

~

## Jensen

Two weeks and many, many arguments later the Vinny Cortez mess comes back to bite them. Rhodes calls them both into her office and slaps the file down, along with the disc the interview is recorded on.

"Would you guys like to explain to me why Cortez was just granted bail, on the basis that he was forced to confess his guilt under duress?' Rhodes says, in a tone that means that she's _pissed_. Jensen decides to let Padalecki take this one and he remains quiet.

"We were in the middle of the interrogation when he confessed abruptly," Padalecki says. "I'm not sure what the confusion is." Jensen's tempted to stop Padalecki from digging himself into a hole but the cruel side of him wants to watch the other man squirm.

"You badgered the suspect!" Rhodes says. "By deliberately arguing incessantly until he was forced to confess." Padalecki flounders momentarily before turning to Jensen for help. Jensen shrugs. Cortez is no murderer. Hell, he and his wife were separated. So Jensen might have indulged Padalecki long enough to ensure that the DEA had grounds to search Cortez' property in conjuction with LAPD officers who were searching for the mysterious second body.

"Ma'am, with all due respect, that's not what happened!" Padalecki insists. Jensen winces at the use of 'Ma'am'.

"You know what, Jared, I'm tired of this attitude," she says. "You'll spend your shift today helping the traffic cops. Get out of my office." Padalecki leaves silently, though he's pissed enough to mouth 'asshole' at Jensen before he leaves. Jensen waves him off cheerily.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Rhodes says once he's left. "It seems like he's getting under your skin a little."

"Good. I want it to seem that way," Jensen says. "It'll be worth it just for the satisfaction of seeing his disappointment when I come out on top every single time."

~

## Jared

It’s the next day when Jared finds himself questioning the Cortez situation. The confession is off to him. Suspects don’t just confess to murder without reason and if the DEA are involved he’s willing to bet that Cortez has a boss somewhere who wouldn’t take too kindly to being revealed. Then there’s the matter of the second body - and the fact that Cortez had confessed to a second murder at all. And Jared’s almost certain that Cortez’ marriage was a sham. There are no pictures of him with the deceased, no online social activity, no texts or calls that he can see. It seems like they were married in name only. Plus, during the DEA raid that Ackles kept from him, there’d been no drugs found or a body. Jared goes over Cortez’ words again in his mind. _He's at my apartment, in the basement._ He looks back down at the transcript of the now infamous interrogation and just a few lines above, Cortez states that he went over to his wife’s place and shot them _both_. He’s lying. Cortez’ apartment was a bust but Jared has another idea. He logs onto the database and types in the name, hoping to see if Cortez owns any other property. There’s nothing. He looks over to his left to confer with Ackles, but his partner appears to be in the middle of a heated conversation with someone who Jared only knows as ‘ _you_ _jackass_ ’ for now. He wonders how it is that Ackles gets along with _anybody_. The stick jammed up his ass is so big that there should be a fucking cordon around it. He turns back to his screen and tries the wife’s name - Annabeth Cortez. After a brief search approximately twelve hits show up and right at the top there’s a **Bassment Holdings Ltd** , along with an address.

“Hey, I’ve got to go and meet one of the jerks from the DEA,” Ackles says suddenly, leaving Jared a little startled. “Apparently it’s my fault that they didn’t find any drugs on the guy. See if I try and help them again.” He stands there and Jared realises that he’s waiting for a response - despite the fact that they haven’t traded a single word since the meeting with Rhodes.

“You’re not seriously looking for sympathy from me, are you?” Ackles stares at him for a second and then smiles. Jared wonders if Ackles is drunk or something; he wasn’t aware that the man was capable of smiling. It’s been glares and disapproving sighs since he got to West Hollywood, and yes, he didn’t exactly help himself but still, it’s not like Ackles radiates a bundle of positive energy.

“I’ll see you in a few,” Ackles says with a mock salute before walking away. Jared shakes his head and turns back to his screen. He writes down the address of the Bassment Holdings and takes down the number. Maybe Cortez had been hinting at something in the interview. The phone at Ackles desk rings and Jared curses under his breath. He slides over without getting out of his seat and picks it up.

“Yes?”

“You might want to stop your partner from going anywhere,” a computerised voice sounds down the line. “Things are about to become explosive.” There’s a click and the call cuts off leaving Jared sitting there with a puzzled expression. Stop Jensen from going somewhere? Ex...explosive. Jared freezes...the caller can’t be talking about a bomb? He sits there a for a second longer before rushing into action. He flies out of the chair and grabs his cell, running for the elevators as he punches in Jensen’s number.

“What is it now, Padalecki?” Jensen says tiredly when he answers.

“Where are you?”

“Just reached the parking lot.” Jared forgets about the elevators and heads towards the stairs, moving so quickly that he almost drops his cell phone. “Is there a problem?”

“Just...wait,” Jared says, too breathless to articulate himself properly.

“Dude, I have to go. I’ll speak to you later.” The call cuts off just as Jared’s rounding the last set of stairs and he bursts out of the doors leading to the parking lot, breathing a sigh of relief when he spots Jensen approaching his car. Because Ackles is anal, he parks all the way at the far side so there’s still a bit of time before he’ll make it. Jared breaks into a run, figuring that Ackles is probably too far away to hear him. His heart is pounding in his ears as he gains on Ackles and as he approaches, he takes darts forward and tackles Jensen to the ground. They’re about ten metres away from the car and Jared can’t really see underneath it.

“Padalecki, I swear to God,” Ackles says. “Get the fuck off me.”

“There’s a bomb under your car.”

Jensen laughs bitterly. “Is this payback for the Cortez thing? Ha ha, very funny.” He shrugs Jared off his body and gets up. He starts to walk away but Jared grabs his jacket lapels and halts his movement. Jensen turns to glare at him.

"Let go of me, man," he growls.

Jared ignores him. "I got a call just after you left. They said that I might need to stop you from going anywhere, because things might get _explosive_!" He looks Jensen straight in the eyes, hoping that he can convey just how serious this is. He resolves to do his best to make Jensen trust him once this is all over.

"Okay, say I believe you," Jensen says. "How do I know that they weren't just bluffing?"

"Do you really want to take that chance?" Jared snaps. "It's the Cortez case. Something is off."

"What time exactly did you get the call?"

Jared glances at his watch. "About nine minutes ago. Why?" There's an almost comical beat as he realises that a lot of bombs typically come with a ten minute timer that ensures it'll go off even without the trigger. Judging by the look on Jensen's face he's thinking the same thing.

"Fuck," Jared says, before taking off in a sprint without bothering to let go of Jensen. Not up to twenty seconds after they start running there's a loud, thunderous sound and they're lifted upward and propelled forward by the force of the blast. The smell of smoke hits the hair and the heat hits Jared just before he lands on the concrete ground. Jensen lands on top of him with a pained grunt as Jared tries to shield them from any flying pieces of debris. Something drops by the side of his head and when he turns to look out for it, he sees a charred apple, with smoke rising from it.

"We are so getting Chinese for lunch," he mumbles, just before succumbing to the darkness.

~

##  Jensen

Luckily they both manage to make it out of the situation with no critical damage. Jensen’s got a scrape above his left eye, Jared’s arm is pretty banged up, and the doctors conclude that Jared’s suffered a concussion so Rhodes gives them a week off. Or rather she _forces_ them to take it off. Given that they’re now a target, the department definitely needs to regroup and figure out who was responsible for the bomb and they have a better chance of doing that with them gone for a little while. The only problem is that Jensen ends up on literal babysitting duty. Rhodes persuades him to look after Padalecki once she realises he won’t stop calling her until he’s discharged, and the hospital has a policy of not letting concussion patients leave alone.

Jensen’s ready to hate letting Padalecki into his space but something happens. He gets Chris to drive Padalecki to his place while he stops off to gather Padalecki’s items from the crappy no-tell motel he’s been staying out. It’s a standard room, there’s an open bag inside the closet stuffed with clothes and a pair of well-worn running shoes and that’s it. There are no personal items, nothing that could tell Jensen who Jared Padalecki really is. He packs everything up and checks the bedside drawer right before he leaves. He pauses when sees that there’s a gun. It’s not unusual – most cops carry more than one weapon, but they don’t make a habit of leaving them unattended in motel rooms. Curiosity gets the better of him and he picks it up and examines it slowly. He turns it over in his hand and checks the chamber and freezes when he sees that there’s one bullet. Again, it’s not necessarily odd but Padalecki’s over exuberance has been throwing Jensen off for weeks now. Especially given the calls he made to some of his former colleagues. They all seemed to hint the same thing – they saw a change in Padalecki after his old partner died. There would have been some kind of psychological evaluation that he underwent, but cops learnt early on how to manipulate the testers. Something falls onto the ground and Jensen’s jolted out of his thoughts. He pockets the gun. Maybe it’s just a coincidence.

~

Back at Jensen’s apartment, the pain medication is making Padalecki - no, _Jared_ \- loopy, but he doesn't mind. The guy saved his life after all. And Jensen's still in two minds about that because he almost got them both killed simply because Jared’s been irritating him since day one. Jensen’s man enough to admit that he maybe hasn’t given Jared a chance. He’s been in attack mode ever since Rhodes slapped his file down on his desk and as a result they’re not in sync like they should be. They’re messy, disjointed and on their way to fucking up this Cortez case.

“I’m sorry.” Jensen turns away from the TV screen that he’s been barely paying attention to and faces a sleepy-looking Jared.

“You’re sorry?” Jared’s been napping on and off all day so they haven’t really had a chance to speak, not that Jensen’s expecting an apology.

Jared nods. “Yeah. For being an ass. I guess I’m just pissed because I was ready to go, to disappear and then they assigned me to you and suddenly I had a reason to stay. I wanted to be around so I could piss you off.” Jared’s voice is slurred slightly and Jensen can’t help feeling bad for him. He’s definitely going to regret saying all of this later on.

“Don’t sweat it,” he says. “You saved my life. I guess that makes us even.” And given that Jared’s just confirmed that the lone bullet in his .45 had his name on it, it really does make them even.

On the third day of their week, Jared's well enough to challenge Jensen to a game of Guitar Hero. He’s well enough for Jensen to realise that he’s still a pain in the ass. Not only is Padalecki unnecessarily loud, he’s a slob to boot. And he’s well enough for them to resume the back and forth they’ve had since they met.

“All I’m saying is that there’s no point in having a nice joint like this, if you can’t mess it up a little,” Jared is saying as he wins again. Jensen growls in frustration – at the game and Jared.

“Organisation is an important skill in life,” he replies. “I like my things to be in a certain way. That in turn helps me make sure I get shit done in the most efficient way possible.”

“In short, you’re proud of the stick you’ve got lodged in your ass?”

Jensen snorts. “I’d rather have a stick up my ass then follow your life model. You look like you haven’t gotten a haircut since ’03. Your clothes are ill-fitting, your posture is sloppy. Are you deliberately trying to make it hard for people to take you seriously?”

“I worked Narcotics for ten years, dude,” Jared shoots back. “I don’t think anyone gives a shit if I walk around in Gucci loafers. We’re cops not runway models.”

“You’re kidding, right? Appearance is _everything_!”

“Maybe. But all I know is that me and my mismatched clothes get people talking,” Jared retorts. “How many of your people talk to you?” Jensen flounders slightly as his reply dies on his lips. It’s true that people are wary around him but that helps. Intimidation is part of being a cop and Jensen believes that his approach is a lot more foolproof than Jared’s easy going manner.

“Ha!” Jared says when Jensen doesn’t respond. Jensen rolls his eyes and leans over to snatch the game controller .

“I don’t think I want to play with you anymore,” he says, only half-joking. Jared makes a noise of protest and tries to grab it back, wincing when he overreaches with his arm. That doesn’t stop him from trying to get it back and soon they’re tussling on the couch and Jensen’s not sure what the fuck they’re doing. He’s just about to pull back when he feels Jared’s lips on his. He freezes for a second before responding. It’s not the world’s most earth-shattering kiss but the mere fact that it’s happening is enough to make Jensen tremble, and then immediately freak the fuck out. He pulls away, looking away as Jared gasps slightly. Suddenly he can’t be here anymore. Not around Jared and he drops the controller and stands.

“I…uh, I’m going to go to bed,” he says. “Come and get me if you need anything.” He leaves before Jared can speak, not wanting to see the look on his partner’s face.

# Two

##  Jared

Back at work, Jensen refuses to talk about it. In fact he refuses to talk at all. They spend the first day back at their desks ignoring each other. Jensen was damn near hostile during the last few days of the past week, speaking only to ask Jared if he had a dinner preference. Jared’s not really sure what he did, but he knows it must be about the kiss. Bizarrely enough, Jensen’s letting him stay at his place while he looks around for apartments. Apparently there’s no point that he go back to his dingy motel room. The unspoken emotion in Jensen’s eyes tell Jared that maybe he’s not as closed off as he thinks he is. He’s not sure what he said during that first night that Jensen looked after him, he can only hope that he didn’t reveal too much. Cops don’t take too kindly to people who want to give up. Weak guys don’t deserve to be cops and Jared can admit that he’s weak. He’s a coward just for leaving Allison to fend for herself. He was a coward when he ruined McCoy’s first week at 77th. The only person he’s not a coward around is Jensen and all of this silence is bringing up all of those feelings of self-loathing, it’s breaking the barrier that keeps the memories of Tom away. The one that hides that image of Tom lying on some slab in the morgue as his usually vibrant blue eyes stare up blankly, light all but faded.

He _needs_ Jensen to talk to him.

"Hey, Jensen can I talk to you for a second. In private." Jared can't resist giving Kane a look. He senses that he and Jensen are good friends so he'd rather not have this conversation out in the open. Kane’s not exactly been receptive of Jared’s presence.

"What is it?" Jensen asks once they're shrouded in the privacy of the break room. He still won’t meet Jared’s eyes and it sting. It stings and Jared doesn’t know why – he doesn’t want to – he just wants to fix things.

"You can't keep pretending that we didn't, you know. Last week." It's all that's been on Jared's mind and he doesn't know if he should be grateful that Jensen’s pretending or worried that he’s slowly turning into a thirteen year old girl.

“It was a mistake,” Jensen mutters. “You were on medication and I was…tired and we made a mistake. Let’s just leave it at that.” A mistake. Jared’s suddenly filled with so much anger that he’s all but burning brightly with it. Jensen finally looks up at him and Jared glares at him.

“Fine,” he spits out. “Fine.” He pushes past Jensen and makes his way back out in the office. Fuck Jensen and fuck this department.

~

The call comes five minutes into Jared's sixth draft of his resignation letter. He saves the document and answers the call eagerly.

"Have you received your mail yet?" He doesn't recognize the voice. He glances over at Jensen's desk and sees that its empty. The mail doesn't exactly come on time here, not that Jared's received much. He's just heard the others bitching about it.

"It's more of a go-and-get-it-yourself system that we're operating here at WH," he says cheerfully. "Who is this?"

"Go and check your mail. There should be a burner phone inside a package. Send a blank text to the number stored on it." The call cuts off and Jared's momentarily struck by the horror that he felt when he got the call about the bomb. He looks over at Jensen's empty desk and sighs to himself. He calls Jensen and leaves him a voicemail about the call. Three minutes later Jensen calls back, apparently not caring that it's obvious that he's screening his calls.

"You thinkin' that it's another bomb?" he asks.

"Only one way to find out."

"I'm by the mail room now so I'll grab it and bring it up."

Jensen emerges a few minutes later, setting the box on Jared's desk before he shrugs his jacket off and pulls his chair over towards Jared. Jared eyes him quietly but he doesn't say anything. He sets about opening the box, and breathes a sigh of relief when packaging falls away to reveal a phone. He powers it on and sends the text. The phone rings within thirty seconds.

"Look, I heard about the bomb incident and so help me God, I felt bad for you two idiots." The person pauses for a breath and Jared quickly uses this as his time to interject.

"Who is this?"

The person tuts impatiently. "Vincent Cortez. I got away with murder. And I'm getting out before these people kill me. Look, I'm not working with any drug dealers so tell your DEA friends that they're beating a dead horse. The wife? That was in name only. I needed money and I agreed to marry her. She needed a green card. She's not dead." Jared blinks at the rapid speed of Cortez's words and also in confusion. He has no idea what the man is talking about. He puts the phone on speaker and asks Cortez to clarify.

"I confessed because they told me to," he says. "They have some kind of smuggling ring. They threatened to kill me so I did it. I confessed. But then that lawyer did all of that other shit and got me bail. I don't even know. I've got to go. Look, remember what I said about my basement? Forget about it. If you don't they'll kill you."

~

They don't have time to look into the Cortez thing because they're called to a situation at the bank downtown, leaving him subjected to an increasingly irate Jensen. Jared is almost scared to start up a conversation, especially given their current breakdown, relationship-wise.  
  
"I hate bank hold ups," Jensen fumes without prompting. "LAPD does all the work and then some other agency - usually those FBI assholes - swoops in and leaves us in the shade." Jared personally doesn't see the problem with that. Hell back at Narcotics if the FBI took over it usually meant less paperwork for him. Jensen's different though, and Jared is willing to be that his partner has a stash of shiny badges somewhere commending him on his seriousness.  
  
"Might be a good thing," Jared replies eventually. "The Cortez case might lose steam if we don't stick to it." Jensen grunts affirmatively but he doesn't respond.  
  
~  
  
They pull up to The Central Bank downtown twenty minutes later, apparently an hour before the FBI are due to arrive and take over. Jensen rolls his eyes and mutters something about how the FBI are always trying to piss in the LAPD's Wheaties. They a mesh of journalists and squad cars when they reach the information points that the officers on the scene have set up.  
  
"Do we know how many hostages are in there?" Jared asks as they get out of the car. "And how many suspects there are?"  
  
"Five hostages confirmed, sir," a fresh faced cop replies. He looks all of twelve years old. "We think that there are three armed suspects. We were called in by a young woman hiding in the bathroom." That isn't odd, but a big bank like this should have had some kind of panic button installed. Jensen takes the words out of his mouth and asks if there'd been any internal alerts sent to the police or a private security company.  
  
"Uh yeah," the cop says as he takes a small notepad from his pocket. "Someone from Bassment - spelled B-A-S-S-M-E-N-T - Security arrived at the scene before we did. They claimed that they were inside securing the scene but we've been unable to verify their legitimacy." Jared shares a look with Jensen as he thanks the officers. He beckons him aside and says,  
  
"Cortez meant a B-A-S-S-ment holdings when he mentioned something about a body. I looked it up that day that someone planted a bomb under your car." To his credit, Jensen's flinch is barely noticeable. It still gets to Jared to but he's learnt to brush these things off. It's part of the job, part of his life. If only he could get the kiss out of his mind that easily.  
  
"We have to get in there now," Jensen replies. "Fuck they're probably stealing money as we speak. Somebody get me a vest. And where the hell are SWAT? Please tell me that someone called them." It's almost amusing to watch how every springs into action but Jared thinks he finally gets the message that Riggs is trying to beat into him. Good cops command respect. Good cops don’t blow up buildings on a whim, or try to do impressive (or well, unimpressive depending on who you ask) car stunts that almost get other people killed. And good cops don’t let other cops run into a damn suicide mission.

“You can’t go in there,” Jared says as Jensen struggles into the Kevlar vest. “Not until we have backup.”

Jensen glares at him and gestures around at the officers spread in the nearby vicinity. “We _have_ back up.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Jared replies. “They’re not trained for this. Plus we actually have to negotiate for the release of the _innocent_ hostages. If you run in there, you’re going to them killed along with yourself” Jensen’s face is completely blank, having morphed from mildly angry to thunderous before hitting indifference. Jared knows better than that though, knows that Jensen is still angry.

“Are you of all people seriously lecturing me right now?” he barks. “Your file reads like a, like….like…you know what? I’m not even going to listen to you. Get out of the way, Jared.” Some of the officers are giving them curious looks so Jared drags Jensen away to a less secluded spot. He’s tired of Jensen using his past to undermine him at any given time. Especially when he’s actually trying to do the right thing for once. And given how weird Jensen’s been since the kiss and since he started staying at the place, Jared can’t help wondering if Jensen knows more than he’s letting on.

“Look let's just cut the shit. We both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks that I'm suicidal and not dealing with certain things. No one says anything to me at the station because you’re their darling or something. So I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking the whole reckless thing so I get asked to go quietly. Basically, I'm fucked. And you’re my last chance so how about you _not_ screw it up for me.” Jared takes a deep breath as he lets out tension he didn’t even know he was holding. Certain that Jensen’s going to rethink his position and realises how stupid he’s being, Jared starts to walk away only to be stopped by the timbre of Jensen’s voice.

“You know what?”

“What?” Jared asks.

Jensen throws his jacket at Jared’s head, which is a little childish if you ask him but he’s not exactly an expert on appropriate adult behaviour. “I don’t want to work with you.”

“Don’t then,” Jared retorts. “We’ll see what Rhodes has to say about it.”

“It’s not like I have a choice you asshole, so it looks like we’re both fucked,” Jensen says angrily.

Jared smiles bitterly. “Awesome.” There’s a round of gunfire before Jensen can respond and they both turn their attention to the building. As much as Jared thinks that Jensen’s being a bit forward, there’s no way he can stop him now. “I guess somebody better get me a vest.”

~

##  Jensen

There’s total chaos inside the bank as they manage to sneak in through an old exit that was blocked off a few years ago. From their point in a dusty, foul-smelling hallway, they can see two gunmen and a blonde woman who appears to be a bank worker. There are around six people huddled in a corner that Jensen can see plus further commotion from several people that he can’t see. Deciding that it’ll be better if they split up, they go their separate ways.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Jensen says as he inches into the main room, knowing that Jared will hear him via the earpieces they have on. Jared’s going to sneak around the back of the building to see if he can catch any of the potential bank robbers in the act. Judging by the fact that this weird basement company is involved, Jensen wonders if they aren’t actually trying to rob the bank but clean their bills. It would explain why they haven’t responded to any of the negotiation demands. With a sigh, he runs across the room, shooting once to signify that he’s here to kick ass. In his ear someone informs him that SWAT's on the scene and he breathes a sigh of relief and turns his attention to the hostages when the gunmen run towards the back of the bank. He’ll get to them in a minute.

~

Don't do anything stupid.

Four words.

They’re apparently simple to understand and adhere to unless you happen to be Jared fucking Padalecki.

Jensen's not even shocked as he watches Jared run across the roof of the bank. He's in pursuit of the last guy that they haven't caught and Jensen's more than happy to let this pan out. The FBI are barking orders around him and Jensen just leans against a SUV and watches silently. He can hear Jared breathing heavily via the earpiece and he snorts to himself.

"Try not to get yourself killed," he says. It's not meant to be malicious but he only realises that they could be interpreted that way once the words have left his mouth.

"Oh, trust me. The thought of kicking your ass is keeping me going, you prick." Jensen's laugh in response dies down with a choke as he sees the suspect jump onto the roof of an adjacent building, slip and end up hanging onto the ledge of the roof.

"Jared, don't," he warns as he watches him prepare for his own leap.

"Wish me luck, partner," Jared says a little breathlessly before executing his jump, colliding into the suspect, sending them both spiralling downwards.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Jensen says before he takes off in a run, yelling for someone to find an inflatable pad or a dumpster for them to fall into. Rhodes is going to kill him.

~

“For God’s sake, Jared, do you really wanna kill yourself?” Jared’s been milling around after being seen to by the paramedics and Jensen’s only just finished trading verbal blows with the damn FBI, so he hasn’t been able to yell at his partner like he wants to.

“Oh, for the love of—“

Jensen doesn’t even want to hear it. “Just shut the fuck up and answer the question. Do you wanna die?”

“I got the job done, didn’t I?” Jared retorts defensively. “What more do you want? We caught all of them.”

Jensen’s so angry at this point that he doesn’t care who hears him. “ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!” Jared stutters for a moment and Jensen can see his eyes darken as the fight bleeds out of him. For a second he feels bad for pushing, especially here, when the adrenaline’s pumping and the gunfire is still echoing in his head.

“Yeah, I had a bullet saved up. I’ve dreamt about pulling the trigger and ending it all, and I could tell you a whole speech but there’s one thing that keeps me going. The job. And I might not always follow the book, but I do my fucking best.”

“He was your partner,” Jensen says. “Not your boyfriend, or family or…why did his death hit you so hard?”

Jared swallows hard. “Because he _was_ family. And I’m the one who got him killed.”

~

Rhodes puts Jared on desk duty as punishment and Jensen's left to work the Cortez case on his own. If he happens to do a little digging into Jared's past, then it's purely professional. He's not stupidly attempting to try and fix anything but Padalecki's work ethic. Well, that's what he tells himself at least. Jared is still staying at his apartment and each night he catches him up in the early hours of the morning, lost in a daze while some infomercial blathers on. Given that Jared's admitted that it's the job that keeps him going, Jensen's not surprised to find himself pleading Jared's case to Rhodes.

"I thought you'd enjoy the respite," she says, her tone disapproving. "Just hearing about the two of you gives me a headache. I've a right mind to just leave him there."

"Look, give him one more chance, for me," Jensen says. "I think I know how to get him to stop being so stupid."

~

Two hours later, he realises that getting Jared to stop being stupid is easier said than done.

"Why are there almost five hundred toilet rolls down here?" is a question that Jensen never thought he'd have to ask, but they're right in the middle of the reception area along with a harried Jared who's arguing with the delivery driver. There's a baby crying in the distance and a man who smells like a brewery slumped in a corner somewhere. An angry looking woman is yelling at the other reception worker and Jensen decides that this is hell. He puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles. The noise dies down as they all turn to look at him. Even the baby stops crying.

"Good. Now that we're all quiet, maybe we can all get what we want," Jensen says. He points at the irate delivery man. "What's your problem?"

"I'm trying to explain to this jackass here that he ordered five hundred rolls of toilet paper and not fifty and that if he wants to send them back, he has to take it up with the company and not me." Jared's rolling his eyes as the guy talks and Jensen sighs warily.

"First of all, I'm the only one that gets to call him a jackass," Jensen replies. "And fine, you can go." The delivery man has the nerve to smirk at Jared as he moves towards the exit but surprisingly enough, Jared doesn't take the bait.

"Okay, so, once you're done figuring out what do with these, meet me upstairs," Jensen tells Jared. The flurry of noise has resumed before he even hits the bottom step of the staircase.

~

"Please tell me that I can come back here," Jared whines when he reaches the office. He latches onto Jensen's arm. "Please, please, pleaseee." Jensen can't help laughing in surprise. But then he thinks _God, he smells good_ and sobers up instantly.

"Get a room, lovebirds," Chris yells from where he's doing paperwork at his desk. Jared takes his seat when he's done with the theatrics, bouncing slightly, like he's been cooped up in a cage all week long. Jensen almost regrets what he's about to say.

"So, I managed to persuade Rhodes to ease up on you," Jensen starts. "I didn't do it for your benefit, we are in the middle of the case. And you are singlehandedly messing up my rep as well. So this is your last, last chance."

"I get it." Jared's tone is solemn, serious but Jensen knows that he doesn't get _it_.

"You're being investigated by IA," Jensen says quickly. "The night your partner died, he was on his way to a Jesse Hannigan's apartment. That name mean anything to you? 'Cause IA seem to think it's important." Jared's face crumples and Jensen can't tell if it's with sadness or anger; maybe a mixture of both. Jensen did some digging after the last conversation they'd had (Jared wisely moved back into some pokey motel after that whole bank situation), and he was surprised to see that there was an ongoing investigation. Rhodes probably knew about it, and Jensen gets why she didn't say anything. It also explains why the LAPD hasn't fired Jared.

"Fuck," Jared mutters. "Before he...Tom left me a voicemail. He said 'I can't believe you'd be dumb enough to leave something at his apartment.' and that he was going to sort it out."

"Sort what out?"

"I don't know. By the time I got the call, Tom was gone and Jesse had gone AWOL." Jensen notes the use of first name and Jared's candor and slowly puts two and two together.

"You were involved with this Hannigan guy?" he asks.

"He was an old friend who went astray," Jared says. "We had a lot of run ins with him. He was usually caught dealing small amounts, just enough to earn him a few months in jail here and there. He...had this way of using me to get what he wanted, and a couple of nights before Tom died, I went over there. And then it came out that he was responsible for a bunch of pills laced with some kind of chemical. We've been after this dealer for months!"

"And I'm guessing that someone blabbed about your link to Jesse?" Jensen asks, wondering what the hell he's gotten himself into.

"Tom was the only one who knew, and I doubt Jesse cared enough to say anything," Jared says slowly, like he knows exactly who spilled the beans. Jensen decides not to push; Jared's old enough to fight his own battles.

"Okay, well, I can vouch for you to Internal Affairs if it should get any bigger than it is now," Jensen says. Jared starts to thank him but Jensen stops him with a raised hand. "But you have got to stop blaming yourself over Tom, and you've got to start acting like a rational human being. None of this wanting to kill yourself business, or scaling rooftops. And you've to got to see a shrink."

Jared groans. "You're really gonna make me go and see a head doctor?"

Jensen can only blink silently in response.

"What?" Jared says. There's a beat and then he gets it and he raises an eyebrow. "Get your mind out of the gutter, asshole."

## Jared

None of the gunmen from the bank are helpful, and the bank workers all have similar stories. Except for one. Katie Cassidy.

"Katie Cassidy didn't exist until three months ago," Jared says as he peers at his screen. "I think she's dirty."

Jensen shrugs. "Or maybe she's just someone hiding from something who got caught up in a bad situation?"

"Nah," Jared says. "I don't believe in coincidences. She was too clinical when we interviewed her. Too rigid. And she was working the desk when the supposed robbery came through. I checked with the real security company - no alarm was activated. The police were called by someone _inside_."

"We need to check out that Bassment Holdings building," Jensen says. "Do you still have the address? It's not in the system anymore. Someone wiped Cortez's file."

"Probably Cortez himself," Jared murmurs. "You know he's our best chance of closing this case. He told me that his wife wasn't dead."

"Uh-huh, so maybe he's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic?"

"The body was badly burned," Jared says. He's loaded up the ME's pictures and Jensen grimaced at the badly burnt and charred skin. "But we know that she was blonde, with blue eyes, 5'4"...just like a certain bank clerk."

"You think that Cassidy is the wife?" Jensen asks incredulously. "Damn. You're right. He is our best chance."

"You know this is the first time that we've ever agreed on anything," Jared says with a sly smile. "It's nice." Jensen considers it for a moment before he answers, snarky response dying on his tongue when he sees the warmth and openness in Jared's eyes.

"Yeah, it is." He smiles back. Before he can fully process the action, Jared's scooting forwards and pressing a chaste kiss on Jensen's mouth. It hits him then that the awkwardness of the first kiss still lingers over them, but this one seems different. It seems simpler. Of course then reality hits him and he realises that they’re in the damn office. He glances around quickly but by some miracle they’re on thir

"What was that for?" he asks softly.

"To say thank you for not giving up on me," Jared says. "Seems like everyone does eventually, but maybe I lucked out in you. And Tom, of course."

“What about your other friends?” he asks, remembering all the complimentary things that some of Jared’s former co-workers mentioned when he contacted them. He can’t believe that Tom was the one person that Jared relied on for friendship.

Jared pushes his chair back to his desk, shrugging as he looks at his computer. “Bad break-up. They were his friends first. The end.”

"And that's how you got into it with this Hannigan guy?"

Jared huffs out a bitter laugh. "Well, he didn't know I was a cop and I didn't know he was a drug dealer. You know how it goes."

"Not really," Jensen says. He sees Jared’s eyes dim and he moves on quickly, not wanting to turn this moment into another argument. "And you don't think that he tipped off anyone Internal Affairs have access to?"

Jared shakes his head. "If it came out that he'd been dealing with me, his clients would dry up pretty quickly."

"In that case, you need to find out who it was and get them to retract it," Jensen says. "And then forget that you ever had anything extra with this guy. Unless you're in love with him or something?"

"Hell, no!" Jared says, his tone belligerent. He takes a deep breath before he continues. "No. Nothing like that. But he liked me. And I used that to my advantage. That's it. If the case involved him Tom made sure we passed it onto someone right away. Even the last case was passed on because I was on leave. So no one can accuse me of being bent. No one. I'm a good cop. Fuck anyone who tries to tell me otherwise." Jared's eyes are suspiciously bright as he stands abruptly and leaves the office. Jensen almost regrets bringing it up, though he feels like they've finally had a breakthrough. And that's a good thing.

~

After spending two days trying to come up with some kind of plan to catch the Bassment drug smugglers, Jared leaves Jensen to pitch it and finally steels his nerves so he can talk to the person he's been avoiding for far too long.

Allison.

He sits outside the house for about forty-five minutes, wavering between going in and just driving away. But he thinks about how disappointed Jensen would be, and then he thinks about how wrong his growing affection for Jensen is. Especially given his adverse behavior after Tom. Eventually he gets out of the car just so his damn brain can shut up for five minutes. There's a momentary panic about his appearance. He's still a little banged up from the car bomb and his escapades on the roof, but it's all superficial, nothing that Ally hasn't seen before. He pushes the worry aside and braces himself for the moment he's been trying to avoid for a long time.

He knocks on the door; a simple light tap, but the sound reverberates like an echo. He swallows as bile begins to rise in his throat, his hands clammy as he wonders what the hell he’s doing. There’s the sound of a baby squealing and footsteps and suddenly the door is swinging open. The first thing he sees are bright blue eyes - Tom’s eyes - staring at him. Baby Johnny is practically a spitting image of his father. While Jared’s never been a kid person, there’s an instant connection between him and Johnny. Okay, that sounds ridiculous but he can’t help but feel a burst of joy when Johnny wiggles in Allison’s arms, his tiny limbs outstretched as if he wants Jared to hold him. Jared swallows past the lump his throat and finally turns to look at Allison. She looks tired. There are dark bags under her eyes, her blonde hair is thrown together in a loose ponytail and her clothes are crumpled. She looks angry but relieved and he knows immediately that she doesn’t hate him. That she doesn’t think any less of him. She’s grieving too and he knows that she understands.

“I’m sorry, Ally,” he says, voice barely a whisper. “I should have been here.” She stares at him for a long moment, pausing only to readjust Johnny on her hip.

“You’re here now,” she says with a slow smile. “And I think Johnny wants a hug from his godfather, don’t you Johnny?” Johnny gurgles happily as she looks at him and Jared looks upwards. He hopes that Tom’s watching down on them. Hopes that his best friend knows that Jared’s going to take care of his family.

Most of all he hopes that Tom knows that he’s choosing to live because that’s all his best friend would want.

~

"So, Rhodes hates our plan," Jensen says when Jared meets him at some bar close to the station. The buzz of playing with Johnny and catching up with Allison wears up when the kid throws up all over Jared. He knows that it’s something he’s going to have to get used to but still - totally unpleasant. Being in the bar doesn’t help matters much either. A quick glance around tells Jared that it's a standard cop bar and he feels slightly self-conscious. None of these guys like him much. Usually Jared wouldn't care, but something like that is important now that Internal Affairs are investigating him.

"Does that mean we have to come up with a new one?" Jared asks when he realises that Jensen's waiting for a response. "Cortez seems desperate for protection. If he had it sorted, he wouldn't have answered our call."

"She's unclear about whether or not this is a Homicide case or not. If the body isn't the wife then we might be out of jurisdiction for now. We would have to identity the actual body and start all over again."

"We don't necessarily know that the wife isn’t dead," Jared says. "Cortez could be lying."

Jensen takes a sip of his beer. "But if we don't believe him on that, the rest of the case falls apart."

"Well, I guess it all depends on how long it'll take for us to get a warrant to search the building that Cortez is directing us to. If we have a warrant then it's not like we can just ignore it."

Jensen takes another sip and shrugs. After a short while, he looks up and asks, “So, how did things go with your partner’s wife?” Your partner. It seems weird hearing it even though that’s what Tom was. _We’re partners_. That’s what he wants to say. He doesn’t though, just gives Jensen a mostly upbeat rendition of his visit and hopes that he really will get his shit together as soon as possible.

~

The search warrant comes through within a day. Apparently Jensen knows one of the judges and he'd been able to put in a good word. Jared is convinced that Jensen just clicks his fingers and people rush up to follow his orders.

"I'm yet to meet someone who doesn't like you," Jared muses as they swap notes on a murder reported the night before. It's a grisly one. An old pensioner bludgeoned to death with his own walking stick. As sad as it is, Jared's not looking forward to combing through hours of security camera footage, and part of him is glad when the warrant comes through. He's more used to sting operations than visiting the damn morgue.

"I wish I could say the same," Jensen says with a chuckle. There’s a familiar lurch in Jared’s stomach as the joke hangs in the air. The sad thing is that a lot of Jared’s behaviour stems from wanting to be liked. He’s goofy, incident prone Jared, always trying to think outside of the box and lighten up the mood. Maybe he lays it on a little thick but at the end of the day, he doesn’t think he’s _that_ bad.

Jared sighs. "I don't know how you do it."

"It's my dazzling smile." Jensen’s grinning at him but the reply stings. Not just because he wishes people would see that he’s actually an alright guy but because that damn smile is starting to have an effect on him too. Feelings for Jensen are not what he needs right now.

"Yeah, I bet," Jared replies, his voice softer than he intends it to be. There's an awkward moment as they both look at each other for a touch too long. After a minute or so Jensen clears his throat and looks away.

"I've asked a bunch of the grunts to help us, so we just need to finalise strategy and make sure that Cortez doesn't fuck it up for us."

Jared nods gently as he grabs his jacket. They’ve got a case to solve.

~

Cortez fucks it up for them. They've got him on a wiretap. All Cortez has to do is get Cassidy on tape, admitting her hand in creating a false identification and faking her death but it all goes horribly wrong. Well, for Cortez at least. There's a round of gunfire and they all spring into action. Jared grimaces as he runs past Cortez's lifeless body, stopping to close the man's eyes, shaking his head at the blood trickling out of the bullet wound in his forehead. A shot ricochets nearby and he forgets all about Cortez and ends up in a drawn out gun battle with Cassidy. As he moves across the building, it's plainly obvious that criminal activities have been taking place. There are unmarked bills, arms and thick packages of what looks like coke. It's a multi-operational criminal gang and without the clue from Cortez, they never would have figured it out.

It's then that Jared realises that Cortez had accepted his fate right there and then when he'd originally confessed. There's a shout and Jared looks up to see Cassidy aiming her weapon at Jensen, who's running across the room in pursuit of another assailant. He fires a shot, breathing a sigh of relief as it hit hits her leg and she falls before she can pull her shot off. Jensen nods his thanks and goes back to trying to get to get a gunman that Jared can’t see. Jared busies himself with securing Cassidy to one of the metal beams. As he stands, his eye catches on a familiar looking brand on a packet. He casts a glance at Cassidy whose face has remained passive the entire time, a far cry from the interview they’d done with her before. The branding is familiar to him; a bright yellow smiley face with a plume of smoke swirling around it.

The same brand that they saw on the pills that Jesse was supposedly responsible for. Jared’s heart stops for a second before starting to beat rapidly. Of all the fucking odds. He thinks about Jesse, remembers the nights they spent together and considers how it almost fucked up his career. Cassidy watches him, her face still indifferent and blank and he wonders if she knew about everything. It’s highly unlikely and he knows that he’s looking for answers that will never come so for the second time in as many days, he accepts his fate.

He’s got to let it go.

They manage to make it out of the building relatively unscathed, though two of the gunmen end up dead, but that’s par for the course. Out of everyone they bring in, no one seems like they have enough insight into the dealings of the company, meaning that Cassidy is most likely the ringleader. She predictably refuses to talk, not even to the lawyer that shows up. Jared does his smarmy, asshole cop routine while Jensen stays calm and reserved. It kills Jared not to be able to _scream_ at her about the marked drugs but he knows that he can’t undo all of his progress now. He can’t be broken up over some criminal, or his dealings with Jesse or even Tom’s death. Not anymore.

“She’s not going to talk,” Jensen says angrily when they eventually give up. “But she’ll go down.” They go out into the hallway, and migrate to the vending machine that dispenses the most disgusting coffee that Jared has ever tasted. He looks at Jensen wistfully, marvelling silently at how bright Jensen’s green eyes look. Way too bright for someone who works in fucking Homicide.

He says, “That’s got to count for something, right?” Jensen turns to look at him, before grimacing at the cup of coffee in his hand. He gives Jared a shrewd look before beckoning him into an empty witness room. The dull greyness of the room only serves to make Jared feel even worse and he wonders what Jensen wants to say to him.

“Look, Jared, I know that I’ve been a little hard on you,” Jensen starts. “And while I’m not sorry, I don’t think you’ve ever been a bad cop. You know why?”

Jared shakes his head, throat suddenly constricted at the rawness in Jensen’s tone. The way he’s looking at Jared like he actually _means_ something.

Jensen smiles at him sadly. “Because I was one. I had the shittiest attitude. I liked to play hero, like to shoot my mouth off, intimidate witnesses. I thought I was a fucking badass, but then I fucked up, Jared. I fucked up and someone died. It wasn’t my fault, not really, but no one was willing to tell me that because I’d been such an asshole. To them, it _was_ my fault. And you know over time, I learned how to be better. How to _care_.”

“What makes you so sure that I’m not like that?” Jared knows that he isn’t because he does care, hell, some might say that he cares too much, but damn if he’s ever going to wear his heart on his sleeve.

“You actually give a shit, Jared,” Jensen says from he’s leaning on the door. “You care. When those guys say something about you or give you some look, I see it in your eyes. You’re not a bad guy. You’re just wound tight and that energy spills over into your work. And lemme tell you what I’ve told all of the other guys like you. Be yourself. Don’t be who other people expect you to be.” He stops abruptly and when he says nothing else, Jared moves to the table and sits on it gently.

“So that’s it,” he says. “That’s great big lesson that I’m supposed to learn. I...you were right. I was too afraid to quit but...I...I’m not sure that I can do this anymore. Not without you or Tom.” He’s been thinking about it for a while. When Rhodes had agreed to take him on, she stressed that his partnership with Jensen would be temporary. Meaning that in a few months he would lose another constant and Jared’s fast learning that he doesn’t do well with change. And also...the thought of not being by Jensen’s side out there leaves him with a strange _ache_ in his chest that he desperately doesn’t want to explain. He needs Jensen to teach him how to be a better person, a better cop. He just... _needs_ him.

“Hey, Jared, look at me.” Jensen’s in front of him now, standing so close that Jared could touch him if he wanted. He swallows audibly because he wants. He definitely wants. “You’re not going to quit. You love this job and you can do it with anybody. But...I’m willing to stick with you for as long as you need me to.” There’s something else to Jensen’s words, some kind of hidden meaning and Jared stares up at him.

“R-really?” he replies, his voice so soft that it is barely audible to him. He hates that he sounds like some pathetic lovelorn teenage but this is what he’s been reduced to.

“I know who you are underneath all of that exterior and so help me God, I like it anyway,” Jensen admits with a hysterical laugh. “I like you and your ridiculous hair, sloppy clothes and dangerous obsession with eating junk food for lunch. I like arguing with you but I _love_ it when you smile and...I’m a grown man. I shouldn’t be twisted up over someone but I am. And I don’t think I can handle it if you leave.”

“You want me to stay?” Jared replies because that’s the lonely part he can focus on now. The rest can come later. Much, much later because he has to process and also somehow figure out how to not suck at relationships because he _sucks_ at them. Like, unwittingly dating a drug dealer _sucks_.

“Yeah, I want you to stay,” Jensen replies, while nudging Jared’s shoulder with his own gently. “And I want you to be with me.” He flushes slightly, his usually pale skin now a shade of rosy pink and Jared feels his heart strain. He’s never seen Jensen like this and...he’s done pushing people away. Jensen _likes_ him and Jared...he likes Jensen too. When he puts it like that, there’s no way he’s going to run away.

“Okay,” Jared says, “Okay. But I’m not eating apples for lunch. Or salads or--” Jensen’s lips are on his before he can finish the sentence and he melts into Jensen’s arms, all thoughts of apples gone as he realises that for the first time in a long time, he feels _happy_.

# Three

##  Jensen

One of the surviving gunmen squeals after begging the DA for some kind of deal. Cipriani, the DA, hasn’t even gotten to the good parts before the guy sings like a canary, even going so far as to identify the person responsible for the bomb at the station. Cipriani’s always been a smug motherfucker but Jensen’s glad for the added information. The case trickles on sporadically as he and Jared write it all up and tie up loose ends. For the longest time, all Jensen can think about is how Jared saved his life - _twice_. It’s ridiculous, this attraction he has for Jared, but Jensen can’t help it. He doesn’t want to fix Jared anymore, he just wants to watch the other man grow as a person, and as a cop of course. That’s probably why he agrees to the couple’s therapy that Rhodes strongly suggest they go to when she catches them arguing over lunch yet again. He’s heard about these other cops in Robbery Homicide who were forced to do couples therapy after one of them drew his weapon against the other. Which is a far cry from arguing over fucking apples, but there’s no getting out of this. Rhodes still doesn’t like Jared, even though IA have dropped their investigation, and Jensen is convinced that he’s doing this just to torture them. Not that Jared seems all that bothered as they sit in Jensen’s car a few streets away from the community centre where the therapy session is held.

They’re half an hour early - because he likes to be on time and not rush in a minute before like a certain somebody. Jared, after bitching for a good five minutes, decides that sticking his hand down Jensen’s pants is a better use of his time. And that’s where they are now as Jared’s giant hand runs and down the length of his cock, thumb circling the slit as he plunges his tongue into Jensen’s mouth and kisses him hard enough to bruise. It’s a distraction technique, to hide the fact that he’s freaking out but Jensen’s only human. Sex with Jared tends to make him lose his senses. It’s ridiculous, the things that he and Jared get up to but he doesn’t care. He feels great, a far cry from the way he felt before Jared cannonballed into his life. Maybe he’s having some kind of existential crisis but Jared makes him happy and that’s all that matters.

“You’re doing way too much thinking,” Jared murmurs against Jensen’s mouth after he comes. He pulls away and reaches into the glove department box and throws Kleenex packet at Jensen. Jensen snorts as he tries to right himself. Some things never change. He cleans himself up silently, eyeing Jared from the corner of his eye, seeing the hint of worry that’s been there since the appointment was confirmed. He knows that Jared’s worried about someone finding out what he wanted to do, because technically Jensen should have reported it and he won’t lie. If he didn’t have feelings for Jared, he probably would have but...he believes that Jared’s better now. That he’s not going to wake up one day and put that lone bullet to use.

“Are you going to tell Dr. Ryan about me?” Jared asks eventually. He sounds worried and when he looks at Jensen, there’s a haunted expression in his eyes. “About what I wanted to do.”

“No,” Jensen answers honestly. “But I think maybe you could organise some private sessions with her or someone else. If you want to that is.”

Jared eyes him silently, half shrugging with one shoulder as he goes back to rooting around inside the glove department. His hand emerges a few seconds later with Jensen’s shiny, green apple in it. Jensen wrinkles his nose. Kleenex or not, Jared’s hand was just on his _dick_ ; how the hell is he supposed to eat his apple now?

“How is that you have an apple in here no wipes or hand sanitizer?” Jared asks grumpily. Jensen breathes out and counts to ten. This is not going to be an argument. This is not going to lead to an argument. He repeats it over and over until he can finally say,

“There should be some wipes to the right.” Jared blinks and leans forward.

“Ah. They’re right there! Guess I was just distracted by the apple.”

Jensen scowls at him. “Were you now? How the hell am I supposed to eat that thing now?” He’s not really pissed off with Jared, just annoyed that this is the best diversion tactic he can come up. He’s kind of tired about arguing over fruit. Jared winks at him before rolling down the window and tossing the apple out. It lands with a dull thud and Jensen watches as Jared uses a wipe to clean his hands before opening the passenger door and stepping out. There’s a very unsatisfying crunching noise as Jared steps on the apple and Jensen sighs. Jared’s in one of those moods. Instead of reacting, he reaches into his inner jacket pocket and pulls out his ticket book.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, right?” Jared says when he peers back into the car. “Jensen, it was a joke.”

Jensen smiles, sweet and fake. “It was a public offence and you, sir, owe the city of Los Angeles a small fine. Don’t worry, you’ve got thirty days to pay it.”

“Fuck you,” Jared smarts. “Oh, wait. Tried that. You’ve still got a stick in your ass.”

“Don’t get pissed at me just because I answered a question that _you_ asked me!”

“It’s not about the fucking question, it’s about you being fucking anal over an _apple_. You started it!”

“Really? You’ve gone from throwing your toys out of the pram, to crushing fruit on the damn sidewalk like a five year old to ‘You started it!’ This isn’t kindergarten, Jared. You’re a fucking adult. Act like one. Hell, act like a cop.”

“Just because you’re some kind of saint, doesn’t mean that you can lecture me,” Jared screams back at him. Jensen’s about to yell something back when he realises that they’re being watched. She has long, light brown hair and she’s wearing a black jacket over a form-fitting purple dress, paired with black heels. The assessing look in her eyes tells him that they’ve just made a shitty first impression in front of the therapist.

“Hi, guys, I’m Dr Ryan,” she calls out from across the street, before beckoning them towards the building where the meeting are held. Jensen’s parked on the side street (for obvious reasons), so he has some time to adjust his pants before him and Jared both dart across the relatively slow traffic quickly. “I take it you’re here for the session.” Jensen nods and turns to look at Jared who actually has a sheepish look on his face.

Fifteen minutes later and Jensen is ready to get the fuck out of this place.

“So, Wes, how are things with Travis going since you’ve resolved your issues?” Dr Ryan asks, directing her question at the slim, sandy-haired, tall LAPD officer currently at the meeting with _his_ partner. Jensen wants to laugh. _Resolved?_! Given what he’s heard already, the two of them need more than therapy. Do they make muzzles for people?

Wes pulls a face that screams ‘ _this is not where I want to be_ ’ before shifting uncomfortably. “Things are…much better. Though, I’m starting to realise that Travis is just… _Travis_.”

Travis grins, his blue eyes twinkling brightly from across the room. “Tried to tell, you man! I’m just Travis, baby!” The rest of the group break into quiet laughter and Jensen nudges Jared’s foot when he sees that he _\- of all people_ \- is joining in. Jensen can probably relate with Wes a hundred percent.

Dr Ryan smiles at Wes patiently, her English accent smooth and homely all at once. “Would you care to explain that? It’ll be a nice opening into introducing the two other police officers that have joined our ranks.” Jensen groans inwardly; it’s bad enough that he feels like the new kid in class, now they have to do the whole introductory thing? It’s bullshit.

“I mean that Travis isn’t the kind of guy who will ever be able to keep track of his stapler. He’s just going to keep borrowing and losing mine,” Wes explains. Jensen blinks. They’re arguing over _staplers_. Well. It’s not like _he_ can talk given his ongoing apple dispute with Jared. Wes continues despite the fact that Travis looks displeased. “It’s probably a metaphor for his life actually. How can he ever expect to have control of anything when he can’t keep track of a damn stapler?”

“What Wes is trying to say is that he’s jealous of my spontaneity,” Travis informs them, with the same shit-eating grin on his face. Behind the grin, his eyes have darkened and Jensen resists the urge to clear his throat uncomfortably. “He’s the kind of guy who eats an apple every single day, just to say that he has a routine. Meanwhile, I like to change things up. Keep it fresh. Which one is better?”

“I like your way, man,” Jared pipes up, because he’s clearly just as loose with his standards as this Travis character is.

“Thank you, bro, ‘appreciate it!” Travis nods towards Jared and Jensen stifles a groan. The last thing he needs is for Jared to make an _ally_ at couple’s therapy.

He turns to look at Jared. “I don’t see anything wrong with Wes’s way. Routine might be boring but as a cop, it’s what keeps you alive.” Jensen can hear Jared snorting but he ignores him. He doesn’t like the perceptive way that Dr Ryan is regarding them.

“Exactly!” Wes exclaims. “This man over here gets it. I bet you’re always having to save your partner from stupidly brash and unnecessary heroics too, right?”

“Hell, yeah,” Jensen agrees. “Apparently parkouring across a roof is part of the ‘ ** _How An Incompetent Cop Catches A Criminal_** ’ manual.” Wes shakes his head sadly just as Travis and Jared start to protest loudly.

“Hey, I caught the guy didn’t I? Where were you?!” Jared calls out. Jensen rolls his eyes and doesn’t bother to issue a response. This is basically going to be a waste of an hour and that fact is annoying enough. He doesn’t need Jared to aggravate his mood even further.

“It’s like staring at two Wes’s,” Travis remarks, his light brown skin reddened with the exertion of his outburst (and what looks like anger). “It’s a conspiracy. You set this up didn’t you, Wes?” The rest of the group members look amused, probably grateful that the spotlight isn’t on them.

“It’s just as well that today’s topic is impotence then isn’t it?” Dr Ryan says. Travis’s mouth opens and closes but no sound comes out and Jared stills beside Jensen. Judging by Dr Ryan’s tone, she interjected at that point to get a rise of out of them. Or to shut them all up, in which case, it’s working.

“With all due respect, this topic does not refer to Travis and me,” Wes says. He looks up at Jensen and Jared for a brief second before continuing. “Maybe we should sit this one out.” Jensen frowns at him before turning to look at the distance between his and Jared’s seats, and then everyone else’s. The difference between ‘we’re a couple’ and Travis and Wes’s one metre ‘we’re not a couple’ distance is pretty stark and he fights off a blush as he scoots his chair away from Jared’s. Jared gives him an odd look but he doesn’t say anything. The last thing either of them needs is for anyone to have actual confirmation of their relationship because it’s already taken a lot of convince Rhodes that Jared will be a good addition to their department. If she finds out that they’ve been sleeping together, all hell will break loose.

“Impotence doesn’t just mean sexual issues, it can also mean weakness, feeling that you can’t succeed no matter how hard you try,” Dr Ryan explains. “We’ve all experienced that at some point in our lives.”

Wes lets out a very long sigh and makes a big deal of checking his watch while Travis shifts uncomfortably. Jared’s mouth is pressed into a thin line and Jensen wants to laugh. He looks up at Wes and asks,

“Is it always like this?” Wes rolls his eyes exasperatedly. The other members of the group eye Jensen curiously, the twinkle in their eyes telling him that these sessions will soon be the bane of his existence.

Travis grins, in a way that’s starting to grate on his nerves, though nothing takes away from the fact that the man is extremely attractive. “Welcome to couple’s therapy!”

Jensen doesn’t even bother to suppress his groan.

~

The one thing that Jensen still hasn’t been able to whip into shape is Jared’s impeccable (read: crappy) timing.

“What are we doing?” Jared’s question comes in the middle of a stakeout; some two-bit jackass who’s been bumping off old ladies and stealing their pensions. Jensen’s eyes are planted firmly on the run-down, derelict house to their right. They haven’t seen any sign of the guy yet but there’s still three hours left to go and apparently it’s question time.

“We’re in the middle of a stake out?” Jensen says, doing his best not to comment on the empty fast food container perched on Jared’s lap. They’ve had the conversation a million times and thanks to Dr Ryan, Jensen is slowly understanding that Jared doesn’t do it on purpose, he’s just an untrained, untidy slob. Not that he’ll ever tell Jared that.

“I mean, me and you,” Jared says urgently. “We’re together but it’s like we hide it, all the time. The other day when Ally came over with Johnny you were weird and distant and it just feels like, we’re just fucking. Which, is not what either of us signed up for. Right? I mean, Dr Ryan says that the importance of a good relationship is establishing one another’s roles.”

“Maybe it feels like that for you because you’ve never had an actual long-lasting relationship,” Jensen says in low voice. “But we can’t be public at work. We’ve both worked too hard to jeopardise our careers for something that might not even…” he trails off, knowing that if he completes the sentence he’s going to have a very difficult situation on his hands and it hits him there. They can’t do this. They can’t be partners _and_ a couple. It’s too volatile, too messy and honestly? It’s exhausting. Jensen’s in love with Jared, he knows that for sure too but he isn’t sure why. They fight all of the time, they argue and it’s not the kind of cop he’s ever wanted to be.

Stubbornness keeps him from going to Rhodes and begging her to forget all of his pleas to keep Jared on the team but he’s considered it. Many, many times.

Jared seems to have realised this. “Something that might not even last? Well that’s fucking peachy, right? We fuck around just until your perfect reputation starts to lose some of its shine and then what? You leave me. Or you push me away? That’s your usual MO when it comes to _your_ relationships, isn't it?”

“You have the worst timing, you know that?” Jensen spits out. “Like that time you almost got me blown up by that bomb.”

Jared laughs bitterly. “You fucking…I saved your life!! But no, you only admit that when it suits you!”

“See this is why!” Jensen yells back, snapping his hands together to emphasise his point. “Everything turns into a fucking argument and I’m sick of it. I was sick of it before we started dating. You don’t listen to me and so help me God, I can’t work out of you’re not as reckless as you were of if you’re just biding your time.”

“You could say the word tomorrow and I could be working traffic or back at the desk,” Jared points out. “So I’m not buying that excuse and from couple’s therapy, I know that when one lashes out it’s either because they’re trying to provoke a reaction or deflect away from something else and I know that you’re deflecting.”

Jensen casts a glance towards the house and notes that a faint light has emerged from the top floor front facing window. He sees a shadow move by and he notes it mentally. He turns to Jared and says, “Deflecting from what exactly?”

“Well at the start you were annoyed about having to put the training wheels on and deal with yet another problem cop and you were conflicted by your… _feelings_ ,” Jared replies. “And now you’re worried about something and your lashing out, trying to push me into walking away first. Sorry, Ackles but I’m not going to make it that easy for you.” Jensen’s struck by the openness of Jared’s words, the concern in his eyes and most of all the way that Jared seems to be able to see right through him. It startles every time and he feels guilty because how does he explain that while Jared means a lot to him, the one thing that Jensen’s never been able to sacrifice is his career. He’s worked too long and hard to throw it all away on a guy and he’s had many romantic partners walk away from him.

“My job is important to me, Jared,” he says sombrely. “My dad was a cop, my grandfather was and…I…it’s in my blood. I can’t quit. Won’t. And I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I might spend life alone because I can’t give this up and sooner or later everyone wants more, you’re going to want more and I don’t think I can do that.”

“What if you can?” Jared asks. “You can be a great cop and still come home with me and have something really good. You just need to want to try, Jensen.”

Jensen’s had this conversation many times before, always ready to push before he’s thrown and to say goodbye to someone he doesn’t want to. He’s afraid. That’s what it boils down to. He’s always afraid but…if there’s one thing he’s learned from Jared, it’s that being afraid doesn’t get you anywhere. It just messes you up internally to the point where you don’t know who you are anymore, and that’s not him. He’s done with the fear and worrying about the future. He wants to focus on the now.

“You’re right,” he admits softly, glancing up at the house quickly. The light’s gone, replaced by a dull blackness, with moonlight reflecting off the dirty glass. He turns back to Jared. “I can try. I _want_ to try. Together.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jared says with a small smile. Jensen gets the feeling that there’s a lot more that needs to be said, boundaries that need to be put up but right now, he’s happy just to have reached some kind of equilibrium with Jared. No amount of make-up sex makes the tumultuousness of their relationship any better than the times when they’re just _happy_ and argument-free and he’ll do anything to make sure that they never stray too far away from that. “We’ll talk more when we get home, okay? The light’s gone. You think he’s on foot?” Jensen smiles wryly at the fact that Jared’s been paying attention too, even though they’re both distracted. Relationship or not, he’s one hell of a babysitter. Not that he’ll ever admit that to Jared.

“Don’t worry about the guy,” he says confidently. “I got this.” He counts out ten seconds in his head and then opens his door abruptly, wincing as the metal collides with human flesh. There’s a loud thump as the guy drops to the ground and Jensen climbs over him and pulls out his issue plastic gloves and evidence bag. The guy’s out cold, his beanie hat half of his head revealing a small scar above his right eyebrow. It’s their guy, alright. Jared exits the car and comes around the front to meet Jensen. He crouches down and picks up a plasic wallet that fell out of the guy’s thick winter jacket. He holds it up, whistling as he rattles it. There are tens of identification cards in there, and Jensen’s willing to bet they all belong to the pensioners the man’s either killed or injured.

“Do you wanna cuff him or should I?” Jared’s giving him an odd look so he shrugs and starts to hoist the guy up. With any luck, he’ll wake up before they get to the precinct. Jensen would like to avoid a trip to the hospital.

“You just took out our perp with your _car door_ ,” Jared says incredulously. “How come that isn’t reckless?” Jensen rolls his eyes. _Here we go_ , he thinks.

“I saved us having to run after his ass,” he retorts. “Just be thankful for that. Especially after the crap you just consumed.” Jared pulls a face at him but he doesn’t argue.

“I’ll radio it in. We’ll probably have to wait for the techs to get here before we clock off, make sure that this guy doesn’t have an accomplice.” Jared starts to walk off but Jensen calls him back. He glances around the street. Due to the late hour, it’s dark and relatively quiet. The cavalry will be here soon, of course but until then there’s still time for Jared to give him a kiss.

“This does not count as exemplary police work,” Jared breathes out in between kisses number three and four. Jensen nips at his bottom lip, hoping that it’ll shut him up. “I think being around a badass all day long is rubbing off on you.”

“I’m pretty sure the only thing rubbing off on me is you, asshole,” Jensen laughs as he finally breaks away from Jared. He can hear the sirens in the distance as he fixes up the collar on Jared’s jacket and then does up the buttons on his shirt. He’s about to reattach his tie when Jared’s warm hand lands on top of is.

“Just leave it,” he says gently. “I will glare at anyone who dares to mock you for not wearing a tie at four in the morning.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow. “My hero.”

“Saved your life, didn’t I?” Jared’s grinning widely now and as much as Jensen wants to make some snide comment about Jared milking that enough, it’s true and he won’t begrudge Jared that, especially after what happened to Tom.

“Yeah, you did,” he shoots back softly. That same heat flares up inside him when he thinks about how Jared saved him – twice. He shouldn’t feel anything but gratitude, hell, Chris’ has saved his ass countless times. However with Jared it feels like something more and he has this primal urge to just show Jared how much it means to him. He can’t explain it but…he puts it down to love. It’s supposed to make you crazy, right? It turns heads upside down until things don’t make sense but somehow they just fit, even if they’re not really supposed to.

The guy on the ground starts to stir and Jared handcuffs him, before using his strength to push the guy into a sitting position. They can’t arrest him yet because he has to be fully lucid, but Jensen’s found that the flash of red and blue usually does the trick. He turns away from the street and Jared’s looking at him with dark, glossy heat in his eyes and he has to force himself to look away again. The sirens are dangerously close now and Jensen’s just as close to bundling Jared into the backseat here and now and doing some R-rated things to him but he holds himself back. There’s no rush; they have time.

Nothing’s going to tear them apart.

Epilogue

_Three years later_

Jared stifles a laugh as he watches Jensen lie back on the grass. His old grey police academy shirt is stained with sweat but Johnny’s still toddling around and kicking the soccer ball all over the garden. From past experience, Jared knows that Jensen always feel his age whenever they’re babysitting little Johnny. It’s kind of strange given that Jensen is in pretty good shape – no _excellent_ shape - and that’s not even a biased opinion. His workout routine is freaking barbaric at best and his diet is impeccable, plus he can outrun Jared even though he has less muscle mass. He’s long given up on trying to get Jared to improve his diet. Jared’s always been the kind of guy who shies away from any serious confrontation but boy can he argue over goddamn apples. It’s not even deliberate it just comes out of his mouth and sets Jensen off and bam—they’re arguing. It’s their thing now. When one’s pissed with the other, they go for the diet argument. It’s a little stupid but there could be worse things.

For Jared, he doesn’t understand why Jensen pushes himself so hard when everyone else respects him so damn much. He gets that effort isn’t something you just give up on but at the same time, when people look at him and then look at Jensen, it’s obvious who everyone admires, who everyone looks up to. Jared’s just the bubbly, sometimes reckless partner who will never live up to the great Jensen Ackles and sometimes that’s hard to be around. Jensen tries to tell him that it doesn’t matter what people think and Jared loves him for it, the same way he loves Tom for helping him in the past. He likes to think that his therapy sessions have helped with his esteem but sometimes he feels like life is one big act and he’s on course to win a fucking Oscar.

“Hey!” Jensen’s voice interrupts his thoughts and Jared strolls back out into the garden with a sigh. “Save me.” This time Jared has to laugh when he sees Johnny practically bouncing on Jensen’s stomach, his tiny sneakers making muddy imprints on Jensen’s threadbare shirt. Jared’s eye catches on the thin strip of skin poking out from where the hem’s been rucked up and it takes Jensen clearing his throat to get him to look up.

“Hey, Johnny, you wanna go grab some McDonald’s for lunch?” Jared coos, in a tone that he no longer judges himself for using. He holds his arms out, smiling softly as Johnny clambers off Jensen and runs into them. Jared lifts the kid up into the air laughing as Johnny squeals. In the corner of his eyes, Jared can see Jensen standing up slowly with a grimace as he dusts off his shirt. He feels momentary burst of guilt for laughing when he knows that Jensen’s got a twinge in his back from the audacious tackle he pulled off the other night when they’d been caught up in a restaurant gunfight.

He knows that Jensen’s not going to let the McDonald’s thing slide – they have this argument every time. Jared doesn’t see the harm in treating the kid every once in a while, meanwhile Jensen’s gung-ho about Johnny eating healthily all the time. Jared will admit that Jensen’s probably in the right in this case. Plus Ally would probably kill him for taking Johnny to the Evil Arches.

“Or maybe we can get you some sliced fruit, huh?” he says before Jensen can say anything. For once he doesn’t want to argue, he just wants to spend a nice afternoon with his boyfriend and godson. Besides, what it is that they say? Life’s all about compromises. “But not apples, right? We don’t like apples, do we?!”

“No!!” Johnny practically screams in his ear and Jared’s ashamed to say that he almost drops the kid.

This time it’s Jensen’s turn to laugh. “I think you’re supposed to tell him not to yell.” Jared eyes Johnny warily. His godson is fucking adorable but Jared’s seen what happens when Ally tries to discipline him. The tantrums and ensuing tearful outburst are enough to make him swear off having kids of his own. Ever.

“You do it,” he says. “I’m good cop, remember?”

“You are _not_ good cop,” Jensen retorts. “You’re ‘annoys-the-sugar-out-of-people’ cop.” Jensen’s tone is light but there’s definitely an edge to it so Jared wisely doesn’t take the bait. Even after three years, they’re still working out the kinks in their personal and working relationships. Though, Jared’s not sure how long they’ll need to work through the latter given that Rhodes mentioned that Jensen might be up for a promotion soon. Jensen doesn’t know yet, and Jared’s under strict orders not to tell him but part of him thinks it might be a good thing.

“Annoys the sugar out of people?” Jared laughs before glancing at Johnny, whose wide eyes are flicking between him and Jensen rapidly. Right. Little ears. Jensen rolls his eyes and walks past them, only stopping when Jared grabs his arm.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks him. Jensen’s _always_ okay. At least it seems that way. This thing with his back is the first time Jared’s seen any signs of weakness – and even then, that seems like too big of a word when Jensen makes little to no complaints and gets on with his work every day. Sometimes he thinks that Jensen believes that he can’t cope, after all there’s no forgetting the fact that Jensen’s the only person that really knows about Jared’s plan to…end it. He’s not in that place anymore but he understands that the worry is always there. Even so, he can’t help the words that come out next. “I wish you’d let me worry about you for a change.” Jensen’s bright green eyes change, suddenly softening around the edges while he looks at Jared. It’s that same calm, assessing stare of his but there’s no mistaking the love there.

For a second he thinks that Jensen will just look at him for a while before brushing it off like he always does but this time he glances at Johnny briefly and says, “We’ll talk about it later but I think me and Johnny could do with a hug! What’d you say, kid?” Jensen ruffles Johnny’s blond hair and looks back up at Jared. Jared’s momentarily stunned. Jensen’s never been one for initiating physical contact just for the sake of it. If he kisses Jared, it’s because he wants to be _kissed_ ; if he pushes for more, it’s because he wants to have sex. Jared doesn’t mind but he wonders where this sudden change of heart is coming from and he hopes to hell that he hasn’t missed something important.

When he whispers, ‘ _I love you’_ into Jensen’s ear as he wraps his arms around him, the resulting ‘ _Love you too_ ’ gives him the confidence to believe that whatever it is, they’ll get through it because Jensen is his anchor and Jared’s done floating. He’s here with the man that he loves, with his feet firmly on the ground, and there’s nowhere else he would rather be.

Fin.


End file.
